Melbourne comedy festival: comedians pick their own best jokes of 2019 | Culture

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I really believe men and women should be equal, I believe it so much that I’ve actually started wearing men’s underwear. I heard it increases your sperm count, and I just really need to get laid.

Genitals are like Mexican food. We all have the same thing, it’s just folded differently.

Millennials love getting participation trophies because when we get something for free just for showing up, we get to feel what it’s like to be a Baby Boomer.

Recently discovered that I’m bisexual. I think the best way to describe it is that it’s like I’ve been given a key to the city, but now I feel like I have to go into every building. I’m exhausted.

You’re watching Wife Swap. This is Jennifer. Jennifer sends her kids to a Steiner school! “It’s just good for them to learn, in their own way!” And this is Boral. “I’m Boral.” Boral’s kids were all born with their skeletons in one long line. “Like a boy snake.”

Guy Montgomery, comedian, who has a show at Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2019

Guy Montgomery, comedian, who has a show at Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2019. Photograph: Supplied

I have checked my privilege and it is looking fine. It’s a solid 10 out of 10. Very fuckable.

I’m an egotistical maniac. A narcissist. But I even love that about myself.

If they took all the animal videos off YouTube, the internet would be seven minutes long. It would just be porn, and how to fold a fitted sheet.

The Melbourne International Comedy Festival is running until 21 April



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